Posts

Showing posts with the label Spoof

“Meet Your Pilot”: Ari Elpiloto’s Résumé (Aunt.Sexy Studies Her Pilot’s Résumé, Reads a Little Shakespeare, and Jots Down Some Notes)

Image
  NASA, Photo acquired May 18, 2013 International Space Station __________________ O wherefore, Nature, didst thou lions frame? Since lion vile hath here deflower’d my dear: Which is – no, no – which was the fairest dame That lived, that loved, that liked, that look’d with cheer. Come, tears, confound; Out, sword, and wound The pap of Pyramus; Ay, that left pap, Where heart doth hop: Thus die I, thus, thus, thus. Now am I dead, Now am I fled; My soul is in the sky: Tongue, lose thy light; Moon take thy flight: Now die, die, die, die, die. — Pyramus, Act V, Scene 1, A Mid Summer Night’s Dream , by William Shakespeare _____________________ The pilot’s submitted résumé reveals nothing remarkable: his education (degree from Embry Riddle Aeronautical University) and experience (10,000 miles, 1,650 on Boeing 777) seem impeccable. However, his work record contains an eighteen-month gap, which needs to be explained during the upcoming “Mee

970-Carat White Diamond Rough Specimen Discovered in North America!

Image
970 Carats -- Same specimen from three different angles ______________ There are many sham diamonds in this life which pass for real, and vice versa. – William Makepeace Thackeray __________________________________________ This rough gem sits on my bed stand, next to my Kindle, along with other rock and specimens I have picked up over the years. It was acquired five years ago from a small rock shop in Sedona, Arizona, for $8.00. I don’t remember the name of the shop, and even if I did, I wouldn’t name it anyway. I wouldn’t want the owner to feel lousy for selling such a valuable piece for so little... Relax. This is my fantasy, and I’m pulling your leg; while quite lovely, this 970-carat beaut is just a piece of quartz, so $8.00 was about right, maybe even too much for such a rough piece of this size. I own quite a few quartz specimens, most of them polished points, spheres, generators, and odd shapes. This is the only piece in my possession that looks a

Memoir Madness: Driven to Involuntary Commitment