....So, Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Chicks Before Crossing the Road For the First Time
Remixed Photo
Original: Wikipedia: HerbertT
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I saw this in an email (Thanks, Mark Siegel) and thought it was worth a share here; I have enhanced some of the chicken responses and added a few of my own.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because he could see Russia on the other side, and, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be clear, the chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change! Real change! Change he could believe in! And the other side has expanded Medicaid to chickens who qualify for subsidized health care.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road, uh, pay no attention to that cockfight in the House ring...

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure, right from Day One, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me. And I’m not running for president in 2016, but feel free to visit my non-political website HillaryClinton.com.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

MITT ROMNEY: Although I paved the way to Romneycare Road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to create, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions to cross it. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. (I’m not running in 2016, but visit my website and join with me to earnestly pray for this great nation and all that’s fowl).

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

JUSTIN BIEBER: The chicken was deported to the other side.

JAY LENO: It was time for the chicken to cross the road, in search of youth and my pal Jimmy Fallon. I want to thank all the chickens who, for 22 years, stayed on my side of the road, but now it’s time to bid you all “eggdieu.” <Cry here>

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a new car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

O.J. SIMPSON: He’s still searching for that scumbag who killed my wife and her boyfriend.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the “other side.” Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

GRANDMA: Listen to your grandpa. Psst! Don’t tell grandpa about that chicken’s fate: (hint: you know, that chicken in every pot and a car in every garage thingy).

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2013, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2013. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

For my domainer friends:

NEWBIE DOMAINER: Yeah! I’ve just squatted, uh, registered eChicken2013.com at FlyByNight domain name registrar and will make a million bucks by selling this gem to Bill Gates for his eChicken2013 project.

Until later!