Showing posts with the label Humor

Anatomy Class (by Jerry Siegel)

(To My Freshmen, with Apologies to Northrop Frye) Ah. There it is: A still-living poem. Some critic or teacher must have Done this to it. Put it on the table, boys. Gently, now. Check for vitality, Analyze the theme, Examine its metaphors, Lay bare the quivering imagery And expose the throbbing Thought. Let’s see that history. Two hundred years old? No wonder it seems in Rough shape. As you can see, the relevance is clearly herniated. Diction? Grossly inefficient. Impossibly high allusion level. There! Between the varicose values. Just as I suspected! A great mass of dense meaning Complicated by a massively conscious rhythm. There’s nothing to be done about it. Hopeless – Not a chance of reconstructing this one Into useful lyrics Or a slogan. Close it up And send it off To the anthology. ____________________ (A found poem, written sometime in the mid-1970’s, by a young professor)

“Meet Your Pilot”: Ari Elpiloto’s Résumé (Aunt.Sexy Studies Her Pilot’s Résumé, Reads a Little Shakespeare, and Jots Down Some Notes)

  NASA, Photo acquired May 18, 2013 International Space Station __________________ O wherefore, Nature, didst thou lions frame? Since lion vile hath here deflower’d my dear: Which is – no, no – which was the fairest dame That lived, that loved, that liked, that look’d with cheer. Come, tears, confound; Out, sword, and wound The pap of Pyramus; Ay, that left pap, Where heart doth hop: Thus die I, thus, thus, thus. Now am I dead, Now am I fled; My soul is in the sky: Tongue, lose thy light; Moon take thy flight: Now die, die, die, die, die. — Pyramus, Act V, Scene 1, A Mid Summer Night’s Dream , by William Shakespeare _____________________ The pilot’s submitted résumé reveals nothing remarkable: his education (degree from Embry Riddle Aeronautical University) and experience (10,000 miles, 1,650 on Boeing 777) seem impeccable. However, his work record contains an eighteen-month gap, which needs to be explained during the upcoming “Mee

An Anniversary Blast from the Past

Anita Siegel, my late mother-in-law, was a one-of-a-kind lady, with a sharp wit, cosmic sense of humor, and a great love of family and friends. She could be a pain in the posterior, and we argued a lot, but here's the thing: I felt comfortable around her, enough to be able to spar with her. In a very real sense, she was, in my adult years, a mother to me. She was good to us, and I miss her tremendously. One year, she sent us the above anniversary card, which I found during the Great 2012 Cleanup of the Siegel Household. Sweet, huh? Inside the card: I miss those hilarious moments she gave to us, but when we discover these little blasts from the past, she reminds us that she's never very far away--and always in our hearts:

Thought for the Day--April 11, 2011: How to Build a Fatter Body (For Slim People Only)

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song. --Lord Byron Today, I am going to show you how to build a fatter body. 1. Eat whatever you want and in any quantity. Eat until your gut bulges and that you eat enough so that you from suffer, in the middle of the night, acid indigestion and acid reflux. What fun! 2. Skip meals. Better yet, starve all day, and eat only one large meal a day, and that should be at night, the later the better. Be sure to snack all evening. 3. Never exercise. Walk only when you have to visit the fridge or go from your car to your favorite fast food place. (Better yet, use the drive through). 4. Make sure that you're sleep deprived. Four hours a night is quite enough, but I'm sure that you could function with a lot less. 5. Eat nothing but junk food, the higher the fat content, the better. Don't even go near a carrot. 6. Work, work, work, and never play. Stay connected to all your technology. 7. Panic and then go on a starvation diet, the more extreme,

Memoir Madness: Driven to Involuntary Commitment